Maybe it is my Presbyterian upbringing, but I really like having a plan and a detailed schedule. I know some folks might be surprised by this given that I have been known in many circles for my improvisational skills and my delight for spontaneity, but it is true: even when improvising, I like to have a plan. And I always like to do unpleasant things first, so I can have more time to enjoy good things. As a teenager, I always did my homework first, so I would have the rest of the evening to spend freely. Not a bad habit to have developed and it has served me well in a number of ways!
This love of being organized has been with me as long as I can remember. When I was in my 20s, some friends found it so annoying that one of my classmates in college took my watch away from me and wouldn't let me wear it for two days. I thought I might die during those 48 hours. Now, with all my integrated gadgets, it would take WAY MORE than stealing my watch for me to let go of time and trying to stay on my plan: I have SIRI to defend me!
On the other hand, I have learned that having a plan and being prepared only helps with the small things in life like paying bills, doing projects, and meeting work deadlines. Truly, there is no way to actually prepare and plan for much of what really matters in life such as the grief of losing a beloved, a serious illness, wildfire season, or a global pandemic. Sure, we can make “go bags” and disaster kits, and prepare financially with insurance and thoughtful estate planning, but that only handles the "business" of life, not the living of it.
Grief, in particular, even when you see it on the horizon through a diagnosis or the simple progression of aging, cannot be "done" in advance and you cannot plan for its effects. It sneaks up on you and takes hold of your heart and soul until you pay attention and confront the reality of the loss. Unfortunately for those of us who like plans, grief is a real plan wrecker. And whether or not COVID directly took the life of someone you love, we are all grieving in one way or another.
While a worldwide pandemic was certainly a possibility that public health professionals knew might happen, most, if not all of us were completely unprepared and had no plan for what unfolded in March 2020. I had thought about the possibility of “virtual church” while studying from my D.Min., but then suddenly we had to do it - next Sunday! And, of course, we did create a Zoom version of our service of music, prayer, and preaching that was different from our in-person gathering and yet, provided a genuine and life-giving connection to spiritual community during a time when we all felt more worried and isolated than usual. And our community has been blessed by participants from as far away as British Columbia and Texas - something that didn’t happen before that I do not want to lose when we go back to gathering in person on July 4th!