As I drove back to El Sobrante from Santa Fe, NM at the beginning of the month, I was again awestruck by the changing vistas while traveling cross country. It takes about 16 hours to make the trek without any stops, so an overnight stay in Kingman, AZ is a good idea because it is a slightly less than halfway going west on I-40 which mostly follows the old route 66 of movie and jazz standard fame. (hopefully you are singing now . . .)
Coming out of Kingman on day two of the journey at about dawn, I had the enormous privilege of crossing the high desert with the sun rising over the mountains. It was still and quiet. I had stretches where I didn’t see another vehicle traveling in either direction.
When crossing the more isolated stretches of the American West in the past, radio stations were few and far between, but fortunately, 5G allows for streaming music, radio, and podcasts with ease, so I was able to listen to the amazing music of Max Richter during this awe-inspiring drive across the high desert.
The beauty I encountered that Ground Hog day morning helped to lift my spirit that was almost unbearably sad to be leaving my spiritual homeland in New Mexico where I had been blessed to spend about two months healing and recovering from exhaustion, anxiety, and self-destructive overwork.
My time away basking in the high desert had eased my anxiety and relieved my exhausted body, but more importantly, I gained a new perspective for how to work more holistically and manage my life differently.
A key learning came from a friend who is a mountain climber and “gym guy”. He told me that when you try to lift too much weight, you go brain dead and really cannot think clearly until you drop or reduce the weight. All you can do is try to not be crushed. It takes you to a place of survival thinking which is fine for a few moments in the gym, but not healthy when leading a complex nonprofit project and being the solo pastor of a church.
With this particular insight, I made a list of all the responsibilities, worries, and concerns that were “weighing” on my psyche and spirit. And now that I have returned to work, I am carefully choosing what I am able to lift while also crafting strategies to be able to put it all down at least once a week on my Monday sabbath day. I am deeply grateful that some of the things I was doing before my leave are now being carried by others and for the flexibility of the church community for giving me the freedom to find a new way of working.
I also took a very powerful course online that paired the wisdom of the enneagram with the revolutionary system knows as spiral dynamics. Grappling with my own personality quirks while also recognizing patterns of thinking in myself and the wider culture has given me some new tools for exercising better habits of being and thinking. If you’re interested in these topics, the course I took will be offered again in the fall and you could sign up by clicking the link above.
It is also true that we can “lighten the load” through good spiritual practices such as mindfulness, elegant self-care, and by simply remembering to laugh and have fun. Another important perspective is to move toward a both/and or non-dualistic perspective.
My cross-country trek also illustrated this new way of seeing. After the long crossing of the Mojave desert in Eastern California, I-40 passes into the Tehachapi mountains east of Bakersfield. While I was traveling up into this mountain range, the dark brown of the desert suddenly gave way to the emerald green brought on by the plentiful rains in January. It was almost like the technicolor Land of Oz that Dorothy (and all moviegoers) saw for the first time in 1939.
At the same time, the clear skies and deep quiet of the Mojave were also replace by smog and heavy truck traffic on I-5. Life here in California is unspeakably crowded, complex, and yet beautiful too.
I look forward to seeing you all in person soon. In the meantime, may your hearts and souls be lightened by beauty and a fresh perspective on how to live better in this world.
